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by: Kara Viridian
A hardbound black journal lies here, its binding tight and the dust cleared off from the crevices. There are a few entries -- written in code...

There's a piece of paper under the front cover.

I've been trying to

It's been days since anyone's tried to reach me.
Maybe I should actually head out to Damien's to see if they're all ok. I hope so...I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them, to anyone on our side...ever. I feel so useless in my flat. It's not really a flat, more like a hideaway, a loft. A hole, more specifically. I feel like a rat trapped in a hole, helpless and nervous. Maybe I should've taken the offer to stay at the safehouse in the first place...

It's a lot quieter now outside than it has been, or at least that's how it seems to me. Traveling at night is a lot easier now than before, not too many patrols out or any of those wretched things surveying the grounds I frequent.

I don't even know why I'm writing this here, I .........(This part of the note is too damaged and illegible to read)....

I have to go check, I must. Maybe they need my help...

The least I can do is bring them supplies. Heaven only knows if they have enough food...

(August ___ 2010)
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by: Kara Viridian
I found out today that my father is not Nicholas Viridian. He’s not the man that my mother married, the man that raised me. My father was Sirius Black. Turns out my mother had an affair with Black when she was working with him in the Order of the Phoenix. It was all very secret, except to some. Those who knew had to keep it secret, for the Order’s sake. Except the persecuting eyes of those passing by, even those in my family knew just by looking at me that I was not a Viridian.

Yet I choose to wear the name Viridian like it is a piece of clothing. No, it’s more like a disguise. That is how people know me, and that is how I will be. Black would be too open, too obvious to those in the Wizarding world. This way, I know the truth. Well, myself and one other. He came tonight, to tell me this. He brought me proof of my real father, his journal, the photos, the letter he’d written to me when he’d gotten out of Azkaban.

It’s been a relief to know the truth after all of these years, but when one door closes, another one opens. Casey Winslow is alive, and I discovered that tonight. He was my savior, my knight in cloaked armor that delivered the news tonight. To double-edge that blade of secret knowledge, Casey came to me, consoled me through the chaotic confusion going through my mind, soothed the emotional roller coaster I went through only to kiss me. And without much explanation, he bolted, apparating as fast as he could out of here. Double-edged sword, door wide open…no matter the metaphoric phrase I make it, it is all confusing. I want to call him I suppose when he's ready, he'll want to talk.

Sometimes I wonder if there’s something bigger out there that we’re going to fight. I’ve fought all of these little things, these miniscule things compared to the big picture and what ‘they’ are doing to our people, the muggles, the community. Now that these chapters in my life are over, new ones are being written, and very quickly. Of course, I must take all of this in, albeit slowly but surely.

Tomorrow is yet another day.

Kara (Black) Viridian
August 27th, 2010
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by: Kara Viridian
It's been a confusing set of weeks, but I managed. Balancing the relationships between Jaleth and Casey have been tough, but it's working out quite well...much to Jaleth's disadvantage. Casey had the guts to kiss me the night he revealed to me the identity of my real father, Sirius Black. I could feel the sincerity in his touch, how much he meant to kiss me because he simply wanted to. Jaleth on the other hand kissed me because he missed me; he realized his error and wanted to make the bad times good again.

I was weak, I know. Mum would probably be disappointed in me for dealing with these two men like I have. Hell. Father Sirius and Nicholas probably would be too.

Jeez. I don't know what to think anymore. One day I had one father, who passed away on duty. The next day, I had two, but they were still both dead. Same thing with my love life. One day I had one suitor who left me for another woman -- the other clinging to the marriage that everyone could see was doomed...except for him. Then one day they both come running back to me. Trouble for me comes in twos, apparently. The 'Terrible Twos', I guess I could call it.

At any rate, I think Elana's made it to the safehouse. I spoke with someone over there and they said they spotted a blond-haired woman who liked to 'fly solo', stalking around the manor. Of course. That would be none other than Elana.

I'm supposed to go speak with Damien tomorrow night about something that's been bothering me for a few days. I'm ready to go out on my own, do this for the sake of the Order, for the better of the magical community who would rather not follow the Regime...I want to do this because I am a Black heiress, and Sirius probably wouldn't have it any other way. Inhabitants of Tutaminis have spoken of infiltrating Williams' lair, Azkaban even, to try to get our people out of there before any more damage has been done. Sure, they talk...but who is going to do it?

I'm going to do it.
I will see Damien tomorrow morning.

Kara (Black) Viridian
December 8, 2010
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by: Kara Viridian
21 December, 2010

Nadia came back to Tutaminis alone yesterday. She told everyone that Damien was gone. Had he gone missing, I would have accepted such news...no. Our leader, the Head of the Order of the Phoenix was captured by Death Eaters. How this happened, I'm not even sure. There is no way he would have gone willingly, though I know Damien is chivalrous and honorable enough to take the place of another, if the danger was high enough.

Still, our Order lies in ruin for now. A lot of old faces have returned, a lot of new faces have joined and the current ones lie in wait. Whispers are floating about that a new leader must take his place, pro tempore, until this is settled. A lot of loyals are planning on nominating me, but I don't know if I am even cut out for that sort of title. I'm sure my father, Sirius, would expect no less, but I am no leader. I had a hard enough time getting the people to quiet down and stop themselves from badgering the poor girl at the meeting yesterday, how much more a proper assembly, or rather a proper war council?

'Lana and Liam have been incredibly helpful through this time. I don't know what I would do without them. I can be honest, though, I am simply falling apart without him here. C was the base of my sanity, and now he is gone from my side, gone from my sights. He doesn't support the Order as it is, it's hard to stand on my own two feet without support from him...

I wish he was

I keep asking myself what my blood-father would do...What would Sirius do in this crisis? We are all victims here...We are all worrying ourselves sick with Damien's capture.

I must do something soon.

-K. Black
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by: Kara Viridian
31 December 2010
It has been a troubled time, a hard year for us all.
We are without a leader now for eleven days. I'm growing sick of waiting to do anything without permissions. Whether or not I have their help, I must do something.
I must speak with everyone soon. I'm going to save him.
Please be strong, Damien.

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by: Kara Viridian
14 February 2011

He asked me to marry him today.
I wasn't sure what to say, except he had to give me a moment. I have a lot going on in my mind, especially with Elana's death, Jon's rehabilitation and my step-father's reappearance into my life.

Just so much.

I love him, and I wish I could tell him yes right away, but I can't...
I hope he understands this.

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by: Kara Viridian
23rd July, 2011

I don't know who I am anymore...

Looking in the mirror, I just want to cry. Father Fierro's helping me become who I was, but I can't even remember what that was like. Am I supposed to trust the man who once worked for that tyrant, Trevor Williams? In the world that we live in, trust is easily obtainable but also easily broken...as fragile as my mind is now, I don't know what I am to do...

Every day, a winding road, and it never ends.

I feel so lost.

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by: Kara Viridian
They’re all dead.

That poor girl. Jaleth. My Liam.

I don’t understand, how did this happen? Why is their blood on my hands? One day, I was wandering London. Liam and I had just had a fight. A man approached me, unnamed, unknown, and almost everything else has been a blur. I remember making up with Liam that night, I remember seeing Jaleth before it all happened…but that girl, that poor girl. I don’t know what came over me…how they all died, because of me!

Now it’s like I have woken up, two months later, not sure what the hell happened!
Their blood is on my hands.

What has happened to me?
Who am I?
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