So, I figure now's probably the best time to actually be keeping one of these things, but it's probably also the worst. In a few short hours the plan I've put in motion will begin to get interesting. Thomas Price is supposed to kill Casey Winslow, and then I'll come in, take care of anyone else, and I'll erase her memory, and I'll have her as my own. She'll believe she's my wife, naturally. It's simply easiest. This is how to best get rid of the Order, after all. None of them will suspect anything. I'll simply go with her and pretend to be Winslow, and we'll act like it's nothing, and we'll take out the Order one family at a time. Of course, the others will be involved. They don't know about the Evie part--yet. Right now they just all think I'm out to get the Order.
They probably doubt the possibility of success with the relative failure of White's attacks on Hogwarts and the Ministry a couple weeks ago. After all, only a handful of people died that night that were Order members or of any importance to the Wizarding community. I fear Morgana's reaction once she finds out about Evie, but she has to understand. Ok, maybe she doesn't. Hell, I don't even understand it myself. I love Morgana, but then there are also these feelings I have for Evie and have had for years, and I want to find out what they are, to explore the possibilities. She won't understand. I know she won't.
Natalya? I don't know. She's still a mystery to me. I have little clue about her and how she'll react. I don't even know what this thing we have going is, really. I mean, so far it's been a bunch of innocent flirting mostly. I'm confused, real confused. Oh well. Maybe I'll figure it out. Maybe. And then again, maybe I won't have to be bothered with it. Maybe she'll just say, 'Forget this bloke!' and hightail it away from me. I don't know, though. She strikes me as a little naïve. She might still stick with it. Whatever. As long as she doesn't get between Evie and me, I guess it's alright, but it will eventually have to end. That's just how it is. I'm not going to lie.
I still am concerned about the whole Morgana issue. Could I possibly get her to be my mistress? I mean, she'd be my number one whenever possible. But no, it probably won't work. Morgana's not so willing to take shit from someone, even me. She'll tell me how it is, try to set me straight. I hope I'm not right. For once, I hope I'm not right. But I just know I am. Merlin, somebody help me! I'm going out of my mind right now.
In some ways all this is frustrating me, especially my feelings for Morgana. I mean, the past several years I've managed to keep myself emotionally detached from women, ever since Anna's death, yet here I am now with a possible three on my hands? I mean, I'm not emotionally attached to Natalya, not at the moment, anyway. And Evie? I don't even know what what I feel for her is. Is it love? Is it lust? What is it? Is there even a word for it? Ahhh! I'm going to stop writing before I drive myself off the wall. I've got to get myself in my little, 'This will work' manner of thinking or tonight will be an utter disaster.